{ "categories": [ {"slug": "animals", "name": "Animal Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸ¦", "blurb": "Paws-itively terrible animal puns that will make the whole zoo groan."}, {"slug": "food", "name": "Food Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸ•", "blurb": "Freshly baked food puns served with a side of eye-rolls."}, {"slug": "work", "name": "Work & Office Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸ’¼", "blurb": "Watercooler-worthy workplace jokes for the 9-to-5 groan."}, {"slug": "school", "name": "School & Teacher Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸŽ’", "blurb": "Class clown certified jokes for teachers, students and homework survivors."}, {"slug": "sports", "name": "Sports Dad Jokes", "emoji": "⚽", "blurb": "Jokes that swing, dribble and score — straight from the sidelines."}, {"slug": "tech", "name": "Tech & Computer Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸ’»", "blurb": "404: good joke not found. Just kidding — these are giggle-bytes."}, {"slug": "family", "name": "Family & Parenting Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸ‘Øā€šŸ‘©ā€šŸ‘§", "blurb": "Certified dad behavior: jokes the whole family has to live with."}, {"slug": "weather", "name": "Weather Dad Jokes", "emoji": "ā›…", "blurb": "Forecast: 100% chance of groans with scattered puns."}, {"slug": "space", "name": "Space Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸš€", "blurb": "Out-of-this-world jokes — no astronaut training required."}, {"slug": "travel", "name": "Travel & Vacation Dad Jokes", "emoji": "āœˆļø", "blurb": "Puns to pack on every trip, from Fin-land to Pencil-vania."}, {"slug": "halloween", "name": "Halloween Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸŽƒ", "blurb": "Spook-tacular jokes that are scary bad (and that's the point)."}, {"slug": "christmas", "name": "Christmas Dad Jokes", "emoji": "šŸŽ„", "blurb": "Ho-ho-horrible holiday jokes for the whole workshop."}, {"slug": "knock-knock", "name": "Knock-Knock Jokes", "emoji": "🚪", "blurb": "Who's there? The internet's best collection of knock-knock jokes."}, {"slug": "one-liners", "name": "Dad Joke One-Liners", "emoji": "šŸŽ¤", "blurb": "Rapid-fire one-liners. Mic drop optional, groan guaranteed."} ], "jokes": [ {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why don't oysters share their pearls?", "punch": "Because they're shellfish."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a bear with no teeth?", "punch": "A gummy bear."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a sleeping bull?", "punch": "A bulldozer."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why are fish so smart?", "punch": "Because they live in schools."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call an alligator in a vest?", "punch": "An investigator."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a fish without eyes?", "punch": "A fsh."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a deer with no eyes?", "punch": "No eye deer."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?", "punch": "Still no eye deer."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?", "punch": "Because they lactose."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?", "punch": "Bison."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why did the turtle cross the road?", "punch": "To get to the shell station."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why do seagulls fly over the sea?", "punch": "Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What's a cat's favorite color?", "punch": "Purr-ple."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why did the dog sit in the shade?", "punch": "Because he didn't want to be a hot dog."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a pig that does karate?", "punch": "A pork chop."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "How do bees get to school?", "punch": "On the school buzz."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?", "punch": "Hoo-dini."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why don't ducks tell jokes when they fly?", "punch": "Because they'd quack up."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What did the horse say when it tripped?", "punch": "Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?", "punch": "A boa constructor."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What's a frog's favorite type of shoes?", "punch": "Open-toad."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a crab that plays baseball?", "punch": "A pinch hitter."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a lazy kangaroo?", "punch": "A pouch potato."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "How does a penguin build its house?", "punch": "Igloos it together."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?", "punch": "Your nose touches the ceiling."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why do cows wear bells?", "punch": "Because their horns don't work."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why do seals swim in salt water?", "punch": "Because pepper water makes them sneeze."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?", "punch": "Ten-tickles."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a magic dog?", "punch": "A labracadabrador."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the tomato blush?", "punch": "Because it saw the salad dressing."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What do you call a fake noodle?", "punch": "An impasta."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the cookie go to the doctor?", "punch": "Because it was feeling crummy."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What did the grape do when it got stepped on?", "punch": "It let out a little wine."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why don't eggs tell jokes?", "punch": "They'd crack each other up."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What do you call cheese that isn't yours?", "punch": "Nacho cheese."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the banana go to the doctor?", "punch": "It wasn't peeling well."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?", "punch": "A carrot."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?", "punch": "Yellow!"}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What did one plate say to the other plate?", "punch": "Dinner's on me."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?", "punch": "Because it was cultured."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What do you call a sad strawberry?", "punch": "A blueberry."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?", "punch": "Where's popcorn?"}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the chef get arrested?", "punch": "He was caught beating an egg."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What kind of room doesn't have doors?", "punch": "A mushroom."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What did the lettuce say to the celery?", "punch": "Romaine calm."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the man put his money in the freezer?", "punch": "He wanted cold hard cash."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What did the hamburger name its daughter?", "punch": "Patty."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen at the beach?", "punch": "Otherwise they'd peel."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the pizzeria owner go out of business?", "punch": "He couldn't make enough dough."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What do you call an avocado that's been blessed?", "punch": "Holy guacamole."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the coffee file a police report?", "punch": "It got mugged."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What do you call a cow on a trampoline?", "punch": "A milkshake."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the melons plan a big wedding?", "punch": "Because they cantaloupe."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What did the baby cookie's parents do when it cried?", "punch": "They felt crumby."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the scarecrow win an award?", "punch": "He was outstanding in his field."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?", "punch": "He took a couple of days off."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "My boss told me to have a good day.", "punch": "So I went home."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the banker quit his job?", "punch": "He lost interest."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.", "punch": "It was sole destroying."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I got fired from the orange juice factory.", "punch": "I couldn't concentrate."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the supply closet?", "punch": "Supplies!"}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why do employees drink so much coffee at work?", "punch": "It's the weekend immune system that keeps them going."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I just got a job making clocks.", "punch": "It's about time."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I used to be a tailor.", "punch": "Turns out I wasn't suited for it."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I started a business making origami.", "punch": "Unfortunately, it folded."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "How's my job security?", "punch": "Rock solid — nobody else wants it."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the pencil get a promotion?", "punch": "It was on point."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I asked my boss for a raise.", "punch": "He said the elevator does that, and handed me a ladder."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why do bakers work so hard?", "punch": "Because they knead the dough."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I quit my job at the helium factory.", "punch": "I refused to be spoken to in that tone."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "I got a job feeding the giraffes at the zoo.", "punch": "The pay is lousy, and it's a tall order."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the calendar apply for the job?", "punch": "It had a lot of dates."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Retirement is the best job I've ever had.", "punch": "The pay is terrible, but the hours are great."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "My boss said: dress for the job you want, not the job you have.", "punch": "Now HR is asking why I came to work dressed as the boss."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the student eat his homework?", "punch": "Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why was the math book sad?", "punch": "It had too many problems."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?", "punch": "Because her students were so bright."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Who's the king of all school supplies?", "punch": "The ruler."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the student bring a ladder to school?", "punch": "He wanted to go to high school."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why was the equal sign so humble?", "punch": "It knew it wasn't less than or greater than anyone else."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "What do you call a teacher who never farts in public?", "punch": "A private tutor."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the music teacher need a ladder?", "punch": "To reach the high notes."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "What did the paper say to the pencil?", "punch": "Write on!"}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the kid study in the airplane?", "punch": "He wanted a higher education."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why was the geometry book so adorable?", "punch": "It had acute angles."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "What's a math teacher's favorite tree?", "punch": "Geome-tree."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "The past, the present, and the future walked into class.", "punch": "It was tense."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the clock get in trouble at school?", "punch": "It kept tocking back."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?", "punch": "They're all in high school."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the geography teacher love the ocean?", "punch": "It was full of currents."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Teacher: 'Name two pronouns.'", "punch": "Student: 'Who, me?'"}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why do calculators make great friends?", "punch": "You can always count on them."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "What's a pirate's favorite subject?", "punch": "ARRRR-t."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the kid throw butter out the window?", "punch": "He wanted to see a butter fly."}, {"cat": "school", "setup": "Why did the child cross the playground?", "punch": "To get to the other slide."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?", "punch": "In case he got a hole in one."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why did the bicycle fall over?", "punch": "It was two-tired."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why can't basketball players go on vacation?", "punch": "They'd get called for traveling."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why did the football coach go to the bank?", "punch": "To get his quarterback."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "What's a runner's favorite subject?", "punch": "Jog-raphy."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?", "punch": "So he could tie the score."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why don't prisoners play tennis?", "punch": "Too many serves."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why did the baseball player get arrested?", "punch": "He stole second base."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why are basketball courts always wet?", "punch": "Because the players dribble."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?", "punch": "A bad golfer goes WHACK... dang! A bad skydiver goes dang!... WHACK."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "I asked the marathon runner how the race went.", "punch": "He said it was a long story."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "What does a hockey player have in common with a magician?", "punch": "Hat tricks."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why was the baseball stadium so cool?", "punch": "Because it was full of fans."}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "I told my personal trainer I wanted to learn to do the splits.", "punch": "She asked: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"}, {"cat": "sports", "setup": "Why did the golfer bring an extra sock?", "punch": "In case he got a hole in one."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why do programmers prefer dark mode?", "punch": "Because light attracts bugs."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why did the computer go to the doctor?", "punch": "It caught a virus."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why did the computer show up late to work?", "punch": "It had a hard drive."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why was the smartphone wearing glasses?", "punch": "It lost all its contacts."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "What do you call 8 hobbits?", "punch": "A hobbyte."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why did the developer go broke?", "punch": "He used up all his cache."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why do Java developers wear glasses?", "punch": "Because they don't C#."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "What do you call a computer that sings?", "punch": "A Dell."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "What did the mouse say to the keyboard?", "punch": "You're just my type."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why did the robot go on vacation?", "punch": "He needed to recharge."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "What's a computer's favorite snack?", "punch": "Microchips."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why did the Wi-Fi go to therapy?", "punch": "It felt disconnected."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "How does a computer get drunk?", "punch": "It takes screenshots."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?", "punch": "To get to the other slide."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?", "punch": "None — that's a hardware problem."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why was the JavaScript developer sad?", "punch": "He didn't Node how to Express himself."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "What did the router say to the doctor?", "punch": "It hurts when IP."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "Why do keyboards never sleep?", "punch": "They have two shifts."}, {"cat": "tech", "setup": "I would tell you a UDP joke...", "punch": "...but you might not get it."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Kid: 'Dad, can you put my shoes on?'", "punch": "Dad: 'No, they don't fit me.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Kid: 'Dad, make me a sandwich!'", "punch": "Dad: 'Poof! You're a sandwich.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did the dad bring a pencil to bed?", "punch": "To draw the curtains."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did grandpa put wheels on his rocking chair?", "punch": "He wanted to rock and roll."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What did the mother rope say to the child rope?", "punch": "Don't be knotty."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did the toddler put sugar under his pillow?", "punch": "He wanted sweet dreams."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Kid: 'Dad, how do I look?'", "punch": "Dad: 'With your eyes.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "I used to play piano by ear.", "punch": "Now I use my hands."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Kid: 'Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?'", "punch": "Dad: 'No sun.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did the baby strawberry cry?", "punch": "Its parents were in a jam."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Kid: 'I'm cold.'", "punch": "Dad: 'Go stand in the corner — it's 90 degrees.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did the dad stare at the carton of orange juice?", "punch": "Because it said 'concentrate.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What did the baby computer call its parent?", "punch": "Data."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did the cookie cry in kindergarten?", "punch": "His mom had been a wafer too long."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What does a cloud wear under its raincoat?", "punch": "Thunderwear."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What did one raindrop say to the other?", "punch": "Two's company, three's a cloud."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?", "punch": "Fowl weather."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "I tried to catch some fog earlier.", "punch": "I mist."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What does the wind say on Valentine's Day?", "punch": "I'm a big fan of yours."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "Why did the sun go to school?", "punch": "To get brighter."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What falls in winter but never gets hurt?", "punch": "Snow."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "Why did the weather want privacy?", "punch": "It was changing."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What's a tornado's favorite game?", "punch": "Twister."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What do snowmen call their offspring?", "punch": "Chill-dren."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What's a rainbow's favorite accessory?", "punch": "A bow-tie."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "Why don't mountains ever get cold in winter?", "punch": "They wear snowcaps."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What do you get when you leave a dog out in the cold?", "punch": "A chili dog."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "The forecast said it would rain cats and dogs.", "punch": "I went outside and stepped in a poodle."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "How does the moon cut its hair?", "punch": "Eclipse it."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "How do you organize a party in space?", "punch": "You planet."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "Why is the moon always broke?", "punch": "It's down to its last quarter."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "What do you call an alien with three eyes?", "punch": "An aliiien."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?", "punch": "He needed space."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "What kind of music do planets listen to?", "punch": "Neptunes."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "What did Saturn say to Jupiter?", "punch": "Give me a ring sometime."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "What do astronauts use to keep their pants up?", "punch": "An asteroid belt."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "Why aren't astronauts hungry after they blast off?", "punch": "Because they've had a big launch."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?", "punch": "The space bar."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "Why did the cow become an astronaut?", "punch": "To see the moooon."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "What do you call a space magician?", "punch": "A flying saucerer."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel room on the moon?", "punch": "Because it was full."}, {"cat": "space", "setup": "How do astronauts serve their dinner?", "punch": "On flying saucers."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "What do you call a mountain that's really funny?", "punch": "Hill-arious."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Why did the airplane get sent to its room?", "punch": "For bad altitude."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Why did the car apply for a job?", "punch": "It was tired of sitting idle."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "What did the beach say as the tide came in?", "punch": "Long time, no sea."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Where do sharks go on vacation?", "punch": "Fin-land."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Where do pencils go on vacation?", "punch": "Pencil-vania."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "What do you call a train that sneezes?", "punch": "Achoo-choo train."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Why did the man bring a ladder to the airport?", "punch": "He heard the fares were sky high."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Why did the suitcase go to therapy?", "punch": "It had too much baggage."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Where do sick boats go?", "punch": "To the dock."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "What's the fastest country in the world?", "punch": "Rush-a."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "What's the fastest vegetable?", "punch": "A runner bean."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "What did the ocean say to the beach?", "punch": "Nothing — it just waved."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Where do math teachers go on vacation?", "punch": "Times Square."}, {"cat": "travel", "setup": "Why don't calendars ever take a vacation?", "punch": "Their days are numbered."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why don't skeletons ever fight each other?", "punch": "They don't have the guts."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What do you call a witch's garage?", "punch": "A broom closet."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper?", "punch": "He heard it had great circulation."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What's a ghost's favorite dessert?", "punch": "I scream."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why don't mummies take vacations?", "punch": "They're afraid to unwind."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?", "punch": "A cereal killer."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why are ghosts such bad liars?", "punch": "You can see right through them."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?", "punch": "Frostbite."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?", "punch": "He had no body to go with him."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What kind of music do mummies listen to?", "punch": "Wrap music."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?", "punch": "Spare ribs."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why do witches ride brooms?", "punch": "Vacuum cleaners are too expensive."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What do you call a haunted chicken?", "punch": "A poultry-geist."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "Why did the ghost go to the bar?", "punch": "For the boos."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "How do you make a skeleton laugh?", "punch": "Tickle its funny bone."}, {"cat": "halloween", "setup": "What's a vampire's favorite fruit?", "punch": "A blood orange."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do you call Santa's little helpers?", "punch": "Subordinate Clauses."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do you call Santa when he takes a break?", "punch": "Santa Pause."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do snowmen eat for breakfast?", "punch": "Snowflakes."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What did one snowman say to the other snowman?", "punch": "Do you smell carrots?"}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "Why does Santa go down the chimney?", "punch": "Because it soots him."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?", "punch": "A Christmas quacker."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?", "punch": "It needed a trim."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do elves learn in school?", "punch": "The elf-abet."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What's every parent's favorite Christmas carol?", "punch": "Silent Night."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do you call an old snowman?", "punch": "Water."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?", "punch": "They always drop their needles."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What does the gingerbread man use to make his bed?", "punch": "Cookie sheets."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?", "punch": "Because he went down in history."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?", "punch": "Freeze a jolly good fellow."}, {"cat": "christmas", "setup": "What's a Christmas tree's favorite candy?", "punch": "Orna-mints."}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nBoo.\nBoo who?", "punch": "Don't cry — it's just a joke!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nLettuce.\nLettuce who?", "punch": "Lettuce in, it's freezing out here!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nCargo.\nCargo who?", "punch": "No — car go vroom vroom!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nTank.\nTank who?", "punch": "You're welcome!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nInterrupting cow.\nInterrupting c—", "punch": "MOO!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nHarry.\nHarry who?", "punch": "Harry up and open the door!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nOlive.\nOlive who?", "punch": "Olive you and I miss you!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nCandice.\nCandice who?", "punch": "Candice door open, or what?"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAtch.\nAtch who?", "punch": "Bless you!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAmish.\nAmish who?", "punch": "Aww — I miss you too!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nEurope.\nEurope who?", "punch": "No, YOU'RE a poo!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nJustin.\nJustin who?", "punch": "Justin time for dinner!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nDwayne.\nDwayne who?", "punch": "Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nKen.\nKen who?", "punch": "Ken you open the door, please?"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAlpaca.\nAlpaca who?", "punch": "Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAnita.\nAnita who?", "punch": "Anita borrow your pencil!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nGorilla.\nGorilla who?", "punch": "Gorilla cheese sandwich for me, I'm starving!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nNobel.\nNobel who?", "punch": "No bell — that's why I knocked!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nDoris.\nDoris who?", "punch": "Doris locked — that's why I'm knocking!"}, {"cat": "knock-knock", "type": "knock", "setup": "Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAardvark.\nAardvark who?", "punch": "Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!"}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.", "punch": "I just can't put it down."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I used to hate facial hair.", "punch": "Then it grew on me."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What's brown and sticky?", "punch": "A stick."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.", "punch": "She looked surprised."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I don't trust stairs.", "punch": "They're always up to something."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I'm on a seafood diet.", "punch": "I see food and I eat it."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?", "punch": "Sofishticated."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.", "punch": "Then it dawned on me."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I'd tell you a construction joke...", "punch": "...but I'm still working on it."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I know a lot of jokes about retired people.", "punch": "Sadly, none of them work."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I ordered a chicken and an egg from an online store.", "punch": "I'll let you know."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What time did the man go to the dentist?", "punch": "Tooth hurty."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?", "punch": "It's fine — he woke up."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?", "punch": "A stick."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.", "punch": "I don't know y."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?", "punch": "Great food, no atmosphere."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'?", "punch": "Because every play has a cast."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a factory that makes okay products?", "punch": "A satisfactory."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Dear algebra,", "punch": "Stop asking us to find your X. She's never coming back — and don't ask Y."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?", "punch": "I don't know and I don't care."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I asked my dog what's two minus two.", "punch": "He said nothing."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?", "punch": "A receding hare-line."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?", "punch": "A dino-snore."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a man with a rubber toe?", "punch": "Roberto."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why did the two 4s skip dinner?", "punch": "They already 8."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What do you call a sheep with no legs?", "punch": "A cloud."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why did the picture go to jail?", "punch": "Because it was framed."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What did the man say when he walked into a bar?", "punch": "Ouch."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why did the man fall down the well?", "punch": "He couldn't see that well."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What's red and bad for your teeth?", "punch": "A brick."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why was 6 afraid of 7?", "punch": "Because 7 8 9."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What did the zero say to the eight?", "punch": "Nice belt."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?", "punch": "Because then it would be a foot."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I'm terrified of elevators.", "punch": "So I'm taking steps to avoid them."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why don't scientists trust atoms?", "punch": "Because they make up everything."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?", "punch": "Make me one with everything."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What do you call a sad cup of coffee?", "punch": "A depres-so."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "How do coffee cups show their love?", "punch": "With mugs and kisses."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Where do coffee beans go for a night out?", "punch": "The coffee bar."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why was the espresso checking its watch?", "punch": "It was pressed for time."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What's a coffee's favorite magic spell?", "punch": "Espresso Patronum!"}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why don't coffees ever gossip?", "punch": "They don't want to spill the beans."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "How does coffee show it cares?", "punch": "It gives you a latte attention."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a pile of kittens?", "punch": "A meow-ntain."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?", "punch": "Too many cheetahs."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What's a cat's favorite dessert?", "punch": "Mice cream."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why did the cat sit on the computer?", "punch": "To keep an eye on the mouse."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What do you call a cat that works at a hospital?", "punch": "A purr-fessional."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "How do cats end a fight?", "punch": "They hiss and make up."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why is everyone so excited about the cat's new job?", "punch": "Because it's feline good."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why did the dog cross the road?", "punch": "To get to the barking lot."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What kind of dog loves surround sound?", "punch": "A subwoofer."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why do dogs run in circles?", "punch": "Because it's too hard to run in squares."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What's a dog's favorite instrument?", "punch": "The trom-BONE."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "How did the puppy feel after finishing its homework?", "punch": "Ruff."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "Why did the dachshund sit by the fire?", "punch": "It was a cold dog."}, {"cat": "animals", "setup": "What breed of dog can jump higher than a house?", "punch": "Any breed — houses can't jump."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the penny get promoted?", "punch": "It made perfect cents."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "What do you call a rich fish?", "punch": "A goldfish."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why did the dollar bill break up with the coin?", "punch": "It needed some change."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "What happened to the man who put $20 into a vending machine?", "punch": "Nothing — he's still waiting for his two cents."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Why was the money exhausted?", "punch": "It was spent."}, {"cat": "work", "setup": "Where do cows invest their money?", "punch": "In moo-tual funds."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "What's a nap's favorite kind of movie?", "punch": "A sleeper hit."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why did the pillow go to the doctor?", "punch": "It was feeling down."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why are blankets so good at ending arguments?", "punch": "They know how to wrap things up."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "I'm great at sleeping.", "punch": "I can do it with my eyes closed."}, {"cat": "one-liners", "type": "line", "setup": "Why was everyone so tired on the morning of April 1st?", "punch": "They'd just finished a 31-day March."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why did the two antennas get married?", "punch": "The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What did the paper clip say to the magnet?", "punch": "I find you very attractive."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What's the most romantic part about the ocean?", "punch": "When the buoy meets gull."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Kid: 'Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?'", "punch": "Dad: 'Sure — February 14th.'"}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.", "punch": "I had to put my foot down."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why do candles love birthdays?", "punch": "They get to be the light of the party."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What did the elephant want for its birthday?", "punch": "A trunk full of presents."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?", "punch": "It was marble cake."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What does a clam do on its birthday?", "punch": "It shellabrates."}, {"cat": "family", "setup": "What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?", "punch": "Aye matey!"}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What does an aardvark like on its pizza?", "punch": "Ant-chovies."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his pizza?", "punch": "He ate it before it was cool."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What kind of pizza do dogs order?", "punch": "Pup-peroni."}, {"cat": "food", "setup": "What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?", "punch": "The pizza can actually feed a family."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "How does a snowman get around town?", "punch": "On an icicle."}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "What did the icy road say to the truck?", "punch": "Want to go for a spin?"}, {"cat": "weather", "setup": "How do you prevent a summer cold?", "punch": "Catch it in the winter."} ] }