1 line
No EOL
37 KiB
JavaScript
1 line
No EOL
37 KiB
JavaScript
window.BDJ={"categories":[{"slug":"animals","name":"Animal Dad Jokes","emoji":"🦝"},{"slug":"food","name":"Food Dad Jokes","emoji":"🍕"},{"slug":"work","name":"Work & Office Dad Jokes","emoji":"💼"},{"slug":"school","name":"School & Teacher Dad Jokes","emoji":"🎒"},{"slug":"sports","name":"Sports Dad Jokes","emoji":"⚽"},{"slug":"tech","name":"Tech & Computer Dad Jokes","emoji":"💻"},{"slug":"family","name":"Family & Parenting Dad Jokes","emoji":"👨👩👧"},{"slug":"weather","name":"Weather Dad Jokes","emoji":"⛅"},{"slug":"space","name":"Space Dad Jokes","emoji":"🚀"},{"slug":"travel","name":"Travel & Vacation Dad Jokes","emoji":"✈️"},{"slug":"halloween","name":"Halloween Dad Jokes","emoji":"🎃"},{"slug":"christmas","name":"Christmas Dad Jokes","emoji":"🎄"},{"slug":"knock-knock","name":"Knock-Knock Jokes","emoji":"🚪"},{"slug":"one-liners","name":"Dad Joke One-Liners","emoji":"🎤"}],"jokes":[{"id":0,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why don't oysters share their pearls?","p":"Because they're shellfish."},{"id":1,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a bear with no teeth?","p":"A gummy bear."},{"id":2,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a sleeping bull?","p":"A bulldozer."},{"id":3,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why are fish so smart?","p":"Because they live in schools."},{"id":4,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call an alligator in a vest?","p":"An investigator."},{"id":5,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a fish without eyes?","p":"A fsh."},{"id":6,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a deer with no eyes?","p":"No eye deer."},{"id":7,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?","p":"Still no eye deer."},{"id":8,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?","p":"Because they lactose."},{"id":9,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?","p":"Bison."},{"id":10,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why did the turtle cross the road?","p":"To get to the shell station."},{"id":11,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why do seagulls fly over the sea?","p":"Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."},{"id":12,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What's a cat's favorite color?","p":"Purr-ple."},{"id":13,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why did the dog sit in the shade?","p":"Because he didn't want to be a hot dog."},{"id":14,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a pig that does karate?","p":"A pork chop."},{"id":15,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"How do bees get to school?","p":"On the school buzz."},{"id":16,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?","p":"Hoo-dini."},{"id":17,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why don't ducks tell jokes when they fly?","p":"Because they'd quack up."},{"id":18,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What did the horse say when it tripped?","p":"Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"},{"id":19,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?","p":"A boa constructor."},{"id":20,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What's a frog's favorite type of shoes?","p":"Open-toad."},{"id":21,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a crab that plays baseball?","p":"A pinch hitter."},{"id":22,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a lazy kangaroo?","p":"A pouch potato."},{"id":23,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"How does a penguin build its house?","p":"Igloos it together."},{"id":24,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?","p":"Your nose touches the ceiling."},{"id":25,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why do cows wear bells?","p":"Because their horns don't work."},{"id":26,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why do seals swim in salt water?","p":"Because pepper water makes them sneeze."},{"id":27,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?","p":"Ten-tickles."},{"id":28,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a magic dog?","p":"A labracadabrador."},{"id":29,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the tomato blush?","p":"Because it saw the salad dressing."},{"id":30,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a fake noodle?","p":"An impasta."},{"id":31,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the cookie go to the doctor?","p":"Because it was feeling crummy."},{"id":32,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What did the grape do when it got stepped on?","p":"It let out a little wine."},{"id":33,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why don't eggs tell jokes?","p":"They'd crack each other up."},{"id":34,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What do you call cheese that isn't yours?","p":"Nacho cheese."},{"id":35,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the banana go to the doctor?","p":"It wasn't peeling well."},{"id":36,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What's orange and sounds like a parrot?","p":"A carrot."},{"id":37,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?","p":"Yellow!"},{"id":38,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What did one plate say to the other plate?","p":"Dinner's on me."},{"id":39,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?","p":"Because it was cultured."},{"id":40,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a sad strawberry?","p":"A blueberry."},{"id":41,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?","p":"Where's popcorn?"},{"id":42,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the chef get arrested?","p":"He was caught beating an egg."},{"id":43,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What kind of room doesn't have doors?","p":"A mushroom."},{"id":44,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What did the lettuce say to the celery?","p":"Romaine calm."},{"id":45,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the man put his money in the freezer?","p":"He wanted cold hard cash."},{"id":46,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What did the hamburger name its daughter?","p":"Patty."},{"id":47,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen at the beach?","p":"Otherwise they'd peel."},{"id":48,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the pizzeria owner go out of business?","p":"He couldn't make enough dough."},{"id":49,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What do you call an avocado that's been blessed?","p":"Holy guacamole."},{"id":50,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the coffee file a police report?","p":"It got mugged."},{"id":51,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a cow on a trampoline?","p":"A milkshake."},{"id":52,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the melons plan a big wedding?","p":"Because they cantaloupe."},{"id":53,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What did the baby cookie's parents do when it cried?","p":"They felt crumby."},{"id":54,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the scarecrow win an award?","p":"He was outstanding in his field."},{"id":55,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?","p":"He took a couple of days off."},{"id":56,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"My boss told me to have a good day.","p":"So I went home."},{"id":57,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the banker quit his job?","p":"He lost interest."},{"id":58,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.","p":"It was sole destroying."},{"id":59,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I got fired from the orange juice factory.","p":"I couldn't concentrate."},{"id":60,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the supply closet?","p":"Supplies!"},{"id":61,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why do employees drink so much coffee at work?","p":"It's the weekend immune system that keeps them going."},{"id":62,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I just got a job making clocks.","p":"It's about time."},{"id":63,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I used to be a tailor.","p":"Turns out I wasn't suited for it."},{"id":64,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I started a business making origami.","p":"Unfortunately, it folded."},{"id":65,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"How's my job security?","p":"Rock solid — nobody else wants it."},{"id":66,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the pencil get a promotion?","p":"It was on point."},{"id":67,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I asked my boss for a raise.","p":"He said the elevator does that, and handed me a ladder."},{"id":68,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why do bakers work so hard?","p":"Because they knead the dough."},{"id":69,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I quit my job at the helium factory.","p":"I refused to be spoken to in that tone."},{"id":70,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"I got a job feeding the giraffes at the zoo.","p":"The pay is lousy, and it's a tall order."},{"id":71,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the calendar apply for the job?","p":"It had a lot of dates."},{"id":72,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Retirement is the best job I've ever had.","p":"The pay is terrible, but the hours are great."},{"id":73,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"My boss said: dress for the job you want, not the job you have.","p":"Now HR is asking why I came to work dressed as the boss."},{"id":74,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the student eat his homework?","p":"Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake."},{"id":75,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why was the math book sad?","p":"It had too many problems."},{"id":76,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?","p":"Because her students were so bright."},{"id":77,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Who's the king of all school supplies?","p":"The ruler."},{"id":78,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the student bring a ladder to school?","p":"He wanted to go to high school."},{"id":79,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why was the equal sign so humble?","p":"It knew it wasn't less than or greater than anyone else."},{"id":80,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a teacher who never farts in public?","p":"A private tutor."},{"id":81,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the music teacher need a ladder?","p":"To reach the high notes."},{"id":82,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"What did the paper say to the pencil?","p":"Write on!"},{"id":83,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the kid study in the airplane?","p":"He wanted a higher education."},{"id":84,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why was the geometry book so adorable?","p":"It had acute angles."},{"id":85,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"What's a math teacher's favorite tree?","p":"Geome-tree."},{"id":86,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"The past, the present, and the future walked into class.","p":"It was tense."},{"id":87,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the clock get in trouble at school?","p":"It kept tocking back."},{"id":88,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?","p":"They're all in high school."},{"id":89,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the geography teacher love the ocean?","p":"It was full of currents."},{"id":90,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Teacher: 'Name two pronouns.'","p":"Student: 'Who, me?'"},{"id":91,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why do calculators make great friends?","p":"You can always count on them."},{"id":92,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"What's a pirate's favorite subject?","p":"ARRRR-t."},{"id":93,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the kid throw butter out the window?","p":"He wanted to see a butter fly."},{"id":94,"cat":"school","type":"qa","s":"Why did the child cross the playground?","p":"To get to the other slide."},{"id":95,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?","p":"In case he got a hole in one."},{"id":96,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why did the bicycle fall over?","p":"It was two-tired."},{"id":97,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why can't basketball players go on vacation?","p":"They'd get called for traveling."},{"id":98,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why did the football coach go to the bank?","p":"To get his quarterback."},{"id":99,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"What's a runner's favorite subject?","p":"Jog-raphy."},{"id":100,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?","p":"So he could tie the score."},{"id":101,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why don't prisoners play tennis?","p":"Too many serves."},{"id":102,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why did the baseball player get arrested?","p":"He stole second base."},{"id":103,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why are basketball courts always wet?","p":"Because the players dribble."},{"id":104,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?","p":"A bad golfer goes WHACK... dang! A bad skydiver goes dang!... WHACK."},{"id":105,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"I asked the marathon runner how the race went.","p":"He said it was a long story."},{"id":106,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"What does a hockey player have in common with a magician?","p":"Hat tricks."},{"id":107,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why was the baseball stadium so cool?","p":"Because it was full of fans."},{"id":108,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"I told my personal trainer I wanted to learn to do the splits.","p":"She asked: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"},{"id":109,"cat":"sports","type":"qa","s":"Why did the golfer bring an extra sock?","p":"In case he got a hole in one."},{"id":110,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why do programmers prefer dark mode?","p":"Because light attracts bugs."},{"id":111,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why did the computer go to the doctor?","p":"It caught a virus."},{"id":112,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why did the computer show up late to work?","p":"It had a hard drive."},{"id":113,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why was the smartphone wearing glasses?","p":"It lost all its contacts."},{"id":114,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"What do you call 8 hobbits?","p":"A hobbyte."},{"id":115,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why did the developer go broke?","p":"He used up all his cache."},{"id":116,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why do Java developers wear glasses?","p":"Because they don't C#."},{"id":117,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a computer that sings?","p":"A Dell."},{"id":118,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"What did the mouse say to the keyboard?","p":"You're just my type."},{"id":119,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why did the robot go on vacation?","p":"He needed to recharge."},{"id":120,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"What's a computer's favorite snack?","p":"Microchips."},{"id":121,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why did the Wi-Fi go to therapy?","p":"It felt disconnected."},{"id":122,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"How does a computer get drunk?","p":"It takes screenshots."},{"id":123,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?","p":"To get to the other slide."},{"id":124,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?","p":"None — that's a hardware problem."},{"id":125,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why was the JavaScript developer sad?","p":"He didn't Node how to Express himself."},{"id":126,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"What did the router say to the doctor?","p":"It hurts when IP."},{"id":127,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"Why do keyboards never sleep?","p":"They have two shifts."},{"id":128,"cat":"tech","type":"qa","s":"I would tell you a UDP joke...","p":"...but you might not get it."},{"id":129,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Kid: 'Dad, can you put my shoes on?'","p":"Dad: 'No, they don't fit me.'"},{"id":130,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Kid: 'Dad, make me a sandwich!'","p":"Dad: 'Poof! You're a sandwich.'"},{"id":131,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did the dad bring a pencil to bed?","p":"To draw the curtains."},{"id":132,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did grandpa put wheels on his rocking chair?","p":"He wanted to rock and roll."},{"id":133,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What did the mother rope say to the child rope?","p":"Don't be knotty."},{"id":134,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did the toddler put sugar under his pillow?","p":"He wanted sweet dreams."},{"id":135,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Kid: 'Dad, how do I look?'","p":"Dad: 'With your eyes.'"},{"id":136,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"I used to play piano by ear.","p":"Now I use my hands."},{"id":137,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Kid: 'Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?'","p":"Dad: 'No sun.'"},{"id":138,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did the baby strawberry cry?","p":"Its parents were in a jam."},{"id":139,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Kid: 'I'm cold.'","p":"Dad: 'Go stand in the corner — it's 90 degrees.'"},{"id":140,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did the dad stare at the carton of orange juice?","p":"Because it said 'concentrate.'"},{"id":141,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What did the baby computer call its parent?","p":"Data."},{"id":142,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did the cookie cry in kindergarten?","p":"His mom had been a wafer too long."},{"id":143,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What does a cloud wear under its raincoat?","p":"Thunderwear."},{"id":144,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What did one raindrop say to the other?","p":"Two's company, three's a cloud."},{"id":145,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?","p":"Fowl weather."},{"id":146,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"I tried to catch some fog earlier.","p":"I mist."},{"id":147,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What does the wind say on Valentine's Day?","p":"I'm a big fan of yours."},{"id":148,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"Why did the sun go to school?","p":"To get brighter."},{"id":149,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What falls in winter but never gets hurt?","p":"Snow."},{"id":150,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"Why did the weather want privacy?","p":"It was changing."},{"id":151,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What's a tornado's favorite game?","p":"Twister."},{"id":152,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What do snowmen call their offspring?","p":"Chill-dren."},{"id":153,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What's a rainbow's favorite accessory?","p":"A bow-tie."},{"id":154,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"Why don't mountains ever get cold in winter?","p":"They wear snowcaps."},{"id":155,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What do you get when you leave a dog out in the cold?","p":"A chili dog."},{"id":156,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"The forecast said it would rain cats and dogs.","p":"I went outside and stepped in a poodle."},{"id":157,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"How does the moon cut its hair?","p":"Eclipse it."},{"id":158,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"How do you organize a party in space?","p":"You planet."},{"id":159,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"Why is the moon always broke?","p":"It's down to its last quarter."},{"id":160,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"What do you call an alien with three eyes?","p":"An aliiien."},{"id":161,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?","p":"He needed space."},{"id":162,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"What kind of music do planets listen to?","p":"Neptunes."},{"id":163,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"What did Saturn say to Jupiter?","p":"Give me a ring sometime."},{"id":164,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"What do astronauts use to keep their pants up?","p":"An asteroid belt."},{"id":165,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"Why aren't astronauts hungry after they blast off?","p":"Because they've had a big launch."},{"id":166,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?","p":"The space bar."},{"id":167,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"Why did the cow become an astronaut?","p":"To see the moooon."},{"id":168,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a space magician?","p":"A flying saucerer."},{"id":169,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel room on the moon?","p":"Because it was full."},{"id":170,"cat":"space","type":"qa","s":"How do astronauts serve their dinner?","p":"On flying saucers."},{"id":171,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a mountain that's really funny?","p":"Hill-arious."},{"id":172,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Why did the airplane get sent to its room?","p":"For bad altitude."},{"id":173,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Why did the car apply for a job?","p":"It was tired of sitting idle."},{"id":174,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"What did the beach say as the tide came in?","p":"Long time, no sea."},{"id":175,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Where do sharks go on vacation?","p":"Fin-land."},{"id":176,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Where do pencils go on vacation?","p":"Pencil-vania."},{"id":177,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a train that sneezes?","p":"Achoo-choo train."},{"id":178,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Why did the man bring a ladder to the airport?","p":"He heard the fares were sky high."},{"id":179,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Why did the suitcase go to therapy?","p":"It had too much baggage."},{"id":180,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Where do sick boats go?","p":"To the dock."},{"id":181,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"What's the fastest country in the world?","p":"Rush-a."},{"id":182,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"What's the fastest vegetable?","p":"A runner bean."},{"id":183,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"What did the ocean say to the beach?","p":"Nothing — it just waved."},{"id":184,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Where do math teachers go on vacation?","p":"Times Square."},{"id":185,"cat":"travel","type":"qa","s":"Why don't calendars ever take a vacation?","p":"Their days are numbered."},{"id":186,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why don't skeletons ever fight each other?","p":"They don't have the guts."},{"id":187,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a witch's garage?","p":"A broom closet."},{"id":188,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper?","p":"He heard it had great circulation."},{"id":189,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What's a ghost's favorite dessert?","p":"I scream."},{"id":190,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why don't mummies take vacations?","p":"They're afraid to unwind."},{"id":191,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?","p":"A cereal killer."},{"id":192,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why are ghosts such bad liars?","p":"You can see right through them."},{"id":193,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?","p":"Frostbite."},{"id":194,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?","p":"He had no body to go with him."},{"id":195,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What kind of music do mummies listen to?","p":"Wrap music."},{"id":196,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?","p":"Spare ribs."},{"id":197,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why do witches ride brooms?","p":"Vacuum cleaners are too expensive."},{"id":198,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a haunted chicken?","p":"A poultry-geist."},{"id":199,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"Why did the ghost go to the bar?","p":"For the boos."},{"id":200,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"How do you make a skeleton laugh?","p":"Tickle its funny bone."},{"id":201,"cat":"halloween","type":"qa","s":"What's a vampire's favorite fruit?","p":"A blood orange."},{"id":202,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do you call Santa's little helpers?","p":"Subordinate Clauses."},{"id":203,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do you call Santa when he takes a break?","p":"Santa Pause."},{"id":204,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do snowmen eat for breakfast?","p":"Snowflakes."},{"id":205,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What did one snowman say to the other snowman?","p":"Do you smell carrots?"},{"id":206,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"Why does Santa go down the chimney?","p":"Because it soots him."},{"id":207,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?","p":"A Christmas quacker."},{"id":208,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?","p":"It needed a trim."},{"id":209,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do elves learn in school?","p":"The elf-abet."},{"id":210,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What's every parent's favorite Christmas carol?","p":"Silent Night."},{"id":211,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do you call an old snowman?","p":"Water."},{"id":212,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?","p":"They always drop their needles."},{"id":213,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What does the gingerbread man use to make his bed?","p":"Cookie sheets."},{"id":214,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?","p":"Because he went down in history."},{"id":215,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?","p":"Freeze a jolly good fellow."},{"id":216,"cat":"christmas","type":"qa","s":"What's a Christmas tree's favorite candy?","p":"Orna-mints."},{"id":217,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nBoo.\nBoo who?","p":"Don't cry — it's just a joke!"},{"id":218,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nLettuce.\nLettuce who?","p":"Lettuce in, it's freezing out here!"},{"id":219,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nCargo.\nCargo who?","p":"No — car go vroom vroom!"},{"id":220,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nTank.\nTank who?","p":"You're welcome!"},{"id":221,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nInterrupting cow.\nInterrupting c—","p":"MOO!"},{"id":222,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nHarry.\nHarry who?","p":"Harry up and open the door!"},{"id":223,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nOlive.\nOlive who?","p":"Olive you and I miss you!"},{"id":224,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nCandice.\nCandice who?","p":"Candice door open, or what?"},{"id":225,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAtch.\nAtch who?","p":"Bless you!"},{"id":226,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAmish.\nAmish who?","p":"Aww — I miss you too!"},{"id":227,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nEurope.\nEurope who?","p":"No, YOU'RE a poo!"},{"id":228,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nJustin.\nJustin who?","p":"Justin time for dinner!"},{"id":229,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nDwayne.\nDwayne who?","p":"Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"},{"id":230,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nKen.\nKen who?","p":"Ken you open the door, please?"},{"id":231,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAlpaca.\nAlpaca who?","p":"Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!"},{"id":232,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAnita.\nAnita who?","p":"Anita borrow your pencil!"},{"id":233,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nGorilla.\nGorilla who?","p":"Gorilla cheese sandwich for me, I'm starving!"},{"id":234,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nNobel.\nNobel who?","p":"No bell — that's why I knocked!"},{"id":235,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nDoris.\nDoris who?","p":"Doris locked — that's why I'm knocking!"},{"id":236,"cat":"knock-knock","type":"knock","s":"Knock knock.\nWho's there?\nAardvark.\nAardvark who?","p":"Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!"},{"id":237,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.","p":"I just can't put it down."},{"id":238,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I used to hate facial hair.","p":"Then it grew on me."},{"id":239,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What's brown and sticky?","p":"A stick."},{"id":240,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.","p":"She looked surprised."},{"id":241,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I don't trust stairs.","p":"They're always up to something."},{"id":242,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I'm on a seafood diet.","p":"I see food and I eat it."},{"id":243,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?","p":"Sofishticated."},{"id":244,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.","p":"Then it dawned on me."},{"id":245,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I'd tell you a construction joke...","p":"...but I'm still working on it."},{"id":246,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I know a lot of jokes about retired people.","p":"Sadly, none of them work."},{"id":247,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I ordered a chicken and an egg from an online store.","p":"I'll let you know."},{"id":248,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What time did the man go to the dentist?","p":"Tooth hurty."},{"id":249,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?","p":"It's fine — he woke up."},{"id":250,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?","p":"A stick."},{"id":251,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.","p":"I don't know y."},{"id":252,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?","p":"Great food, no atmosphere."},{"id":253,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'?","p":"Because every play has a cast."},{"id":254,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a factory that makes okay products?","p":"A satisfactory."},{"id":255,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Dear algebra,","p":"Stop asking us to find your X. She's never coming back — and don't ask Y."},{"id":256,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?","p":"I don't know and I don't care."},{"id":257,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I asked my dog what's two minus two.","p":"He said nothing."},{"id":258,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?","p":"A receding hare-line."},{"id":259,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?","p":"A dino-snore."},{"id":260,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a man with a rubber toe?","p":"Roberto."},{"id":261,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why did the two 4s skip dinner?","p":"They already 8."},{"id":262,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What do you call a sheep with no legs?","p":"A cloud."},{"id":263,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why did the picture go to jail?","p":"Because it was framed."},{"id":264,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What did the man say when he walked into a bar?","p":"Ouch."},{"id":265,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why did the man fall down the well?","p":"He couldn't see that well."},{"id":266,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What's red and bad for your teeth?","p":"A brick."},{"id":267,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why was 6 afraid of 7?","p":"Because 7 8 9."},{"id":268,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What did the zero say to the eight?","p":"Nice belt."},{"id":269,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?","p":"Because then it would be a foot."},{"id":270,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I'm terrified of elevators.","p":"So I'm taking steps to avoid them."},{"id":271,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why don't scientists trust atoms?","p":"Because they make up everything."},{"id":272,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?","p":"Make me one with everything."},{"id":273,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a sad cup of coffee?","p":"A depres-so."},{"id":274,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"How do coffee cups show their love?","p":"With mugs and kisses."},{"id":275,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Where do coffee beans go for a night out?","p":"The coffee bar."},{"id":276,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why was the espresso checking its watch?","p":"It was pressed for time."},{"id":277,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What's a coffee's favorite magic spell?","p":"Espresso Patronum!"},{"id":278,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why don't coffees ever gossip?","p":"They don't want to spill the beans."},{"id":279,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"How does coffee show it cares?","p":"It gives you a latte attention."},{"id":280,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a pile of kittens?","p":"A meow-ntain."},{"id":281,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?","p":"Too many cheetahs."},{"id":282,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What's a cat's favorite dessert?","p":"Mice cream."},{"id":283,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why did the cat sit on the computer?","p":"To keep an eye on the mouse."},{"id":284,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a cat that works at a hospital?","p":"A purr-fessional."},{"id":285,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"How do cats end a fight?","p":"They hiss and make up."},{"id":286,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why is everyone so excited about the cat's new job?","p":"Because it's feline good."},{"id":287,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why did the dog cross the road?","p":"To get to the barking lot."},{"id":288,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What kind of dog loves surround sound?","p":"A subwoofer."},{"id":289,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why do dogs run in circles?","p":"Because it's too hard to run in squares."},{"id":290,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What's a dog's favorite instrument?","p":"The trom-BONE."},{"id":291,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"How did the puppy feel after finishing its homework?","p":"Ruff."},{"id":292,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"Why did the dachshund sit by the fire?","p":"It was a cold dog."},{"id":293,"cat":"animals","type":"qa","s":"What breed of dog can jump higher than a house?","p":"Any breed — houses can't jump."},{"id":294,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the penny get promoted?","p":"It made perfect cents."},{"id":295,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"What do you call a rich fish?","p":"A goldfish."},{"id":296,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why did the dollar bill break up with the coin?","p":"It needed some change."},{"id":297,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"What happened to the man who put $20 into a vending machine?","p":"Nothing — he's still waiting for his two cents."},{"id":298,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Why was the money exhausted?","p":"It was spent."},{"id":299,"cat":"work","type":"qa","s":"Where do cows invest their money?","p":"In moo-tual funds."},{"id":300,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"What's a nap's favorite kind of movie?","p":"A sleeper hit."},{"id":301,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why did the pillow go to the doctor?","p":"It was feeling down."},{"id":302,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why are blankets so good at ending arguments?","p":"They know how to wrap things up."},{"id":303,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"I'm great at sleeping.","p":"I can do it with my eyes closed."},{"id":304,"cat":"one-liners","type":"line","s":"Why was everyone so tired on the morning of April 1st?","p":"They'd just finished a 31-day March."},{"id":305,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why did the two antennas get married?","p":"The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent."},{"id":306,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What did the paper clip say to the magnet?","p":"I find you very attractive."},{"id":307,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What's the most romantic part about the ocean?","p":"When the buoy meets gull."},{"id":308,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Kid: 'Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?'","p":"Dad: 'Sure — February 14th.'"},{"id":309,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.","p":"I had to put my foot down."},{"id":310,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why do candles love birthdays?","p":"They get to be the light of the party."},{"id":311,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What did the elephant want for its birthday?","p":"A trunk full of presents."},{"id":312,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?","p":"It was marble cake."},{"id":313,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What does a clam do on its birthday?","p":"It shellabrates."},{"id":314,"cat":"family","type":"qa","s":"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?","p":"Aye matey!"},{"id":315,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What does an aardvark like on its pizza?","p":"Ant-chovies."},{"id":316,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his pizza?","p":"He ate it before it was cool."},{"id":317,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What kind of pizza do dogs order?","p":"Pup-peroni."},{"id":318,"cat":"food","type":"qa","s":"What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?","p":"The pizza can actually feed a family."},{"id":319,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"How does a snowman get around town?","p":"On an icicle."},{"id":320,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"What did the icy road say to the truck?","p":"Want to go for a spin?"},{"id":321,"cat":"weather","type":"qa","s":"How do you prevent a summer cold?","p":"Catch it in the winter."}]}; |